Think up your own title.

So far, I’ve begun this three times. Third time’s a charm, right? After all, it is St. Patrick’s Day, right? So I keep telling myself.

Yesterday I was looking forward all day to my quiet hour once everyone was in bed. It is no good looking forward to things some days because disappointment will be the only result. Why? Because life happens.

I let Cedric get some Mountain Dew yesterday. I shouldn’t have. He let his brothers have some and I should really not have allowed that to happen. Even though I put a MD consumption curfew in effect at 6:30, the behavior clearly indicated too much had already been ingested. Furthermore, Joseph, once it was bedtime and beyond, had to go to the bathroom numerous times and with only five minutes between trips.

This warranted a bit of research and I discovered that this can be normal in children and that caffeine contributes to the problem. Isn’t that interesting? I shared this discovery with Joseph on his way to bed after his last trip and he voluntarily decided that he is not going to have any soda with caffeine again.

Every so often, once a day or so, I get a new pictures on my computer when I open it up. Today this is what I get. I like this one. I think I might like to jump right in. The time is what it is because I had to put it to sleep so I could get a screen shot. :)

After that I was going to begin reviewing a chapter of Hywel and Cailín but in opening Pandora, I thought I’d take a quick look at email and Facebook. Someone had shared a blog post that Michele Murch wrote. Reading that was good and yet it was terrible. It kind of put an end to my feeling creative. Such is life. It really was time to go to bed by then, anyway, so it wasn’t really a big deal. I went to bed.

This morning, I thought I could do some editing so I came downstairs and fed Kitty and Misty and put some water on to boil for tea. Then I sat down and discovered that I’d really rather go back to bed but it was too late for that so I stayed up and checked email and started writing a list of questions for the Pack Meeting tonight and stopped because I wasn’t in the mood for that. I made frosting for the cinnamon rolls I made yesterday. I thought about how it’s so easy to think that I’ll only eat fruit today in the morning but always something happens and I end up eating a bunch of other stuff that I don’t even need. Today I thought that I’d stick to fruit and eggs but when I went to cook an egg realized that the cast iron frying pan is a mess and needs to be cleaned before being used and I didn’t feel like it. I did have a pear that was very good.

So, even on the darkest days, there is still good in the world. Joanna and Lincoln posted this yesterday after they had an ultrasound. So stinking cute! They are going to have the cutest baby girl ever! And, lucky me, I get to be her grandma (and yes, I know I have to share because she has another grandma).

Honestly, if you look up symptoms of depression, many of them are present.

However, there is much good in life and it will be time to get school started for the boys in sixteen minutes so I really don’t have time to wallow in my present state of mind. Good thing because if I am accused of not smelling or any other stupid thing that apparently comes out of thin air, I’m going to bite someone’s head off.

Hmmm.

Yeah.

Have a fantastic day!

Count Your Blessings

You know, it kind of drives me nuts thinking that next week at this time it will be 6:54. Why do we need it to be darker in the morning? Don’t the idiots who don’t put an end to this thing realize that those of us who have to get up early in the morning will be turning everything on earlier and therefore be using more energy? Perhaps those of us idiots to whom the idiots in power are supposedly subject should start writing letters, sending emails, and making phone calls. Seriously. Then I can stop wasting my time thinking about these things.

The water was so smooth yesterday. It was a beautiful morning if a bit on the humid side (when isn't it here?).

Seriously, though, yesterday was a pretty good day. Joseph wanted to go for a two mile walk so we walked down Pitcherville Road for a mile and then turned back. We found a bag on the side of the road and filled it to overflowing with bottles and cans and picked up a few more. Next time we need more than one bag because we left quite a few and there is plenty of trash to pick up as well. I need gloves next time, though.

Farther down the road, there was still a bit of slushy looking ice on this part of the swamp. With the warm temperatures we've been having, I have to admit I wasn't expecting this.

After that we did school stuff for an hour, then we had to hurry to Lancaster for Seth’s appointment with the eye doctor. His glasses are beyond repair so we’ve got to wait for his new ones to come in. He really needs a backup pair. We made good time and even though we left late, were only a minute late. We hurried home after that and made pancakes for lunch because the sisters were coming over and we had a new one and you know I have to brainwash these girls in all things birth and medical system in general as well as soap and Star Wars.

This poor tree was obviously gnawed on by local beavers at some point in its history and then cut down because they didn't finish. I kind of wonder why they didn't finish and then I wonder why the rest of the tree was just left to rot. Perhaps it was already rotting? Who knows. Makes for an interesting picture, at any rate.

We didn’t get back to school stuff until after 2:00 and then I had to leave to pick Amena up from school because she had to stay late to work on a project because we’re approaching the end of the second trimester. Seth and Joseph didn’t go to LEGO Club at the library because we’d’ve had to leave early to get Amena and they weren’t done with their work. When I got back with Amena, I just had to help Joseph with his math. So, even though there were lots of things to get in the way, school work was finished which is very good.

Today we have a short day because we might do something with Joanna or we might do something else. Whichever, we’ll do math and reading and science and then decide what to do. Actually, I’ll probably figure it out sooner than that and the weather might be a deciding factor.

On the way to pick Amena up from school yesterday and the day before, I noticed the memorial on the side of the road for Brittany. Someone has erected a white cross on the other side just a little farther east as well. I’d like to stop one of these days and see what’s up with that; it isn’t far from where we planted Amena’s letterbox last fall.

I don’t know Bob and Michele Murch beyond the fact that they live in Hubbardston and are the parents of Brittany, Griffin, and Riley but I feel for them. What they are living through right now is not fun. My prayers are for them as well as Griffin. Perhaps more about this at a later time.

Had to take a little break and check the weather; it looks like the rain should be about over and that by afternoon it should be sunny. I think I’d prefer not to go pick up bottles, cans, and trash when they’re still soaking wet from having been rained on this morning so perhaps we’ll go searching for a letterbox or go plant one. We’ve got two in some stage of readiness; I might just need to make a notebook or two.

Have a good day and count your blessings because they are present.

What I Would Say

Good morning. Life has been pretty good, more or less, but it is a somewhat sober time of year. I think this is true even more this year due the events of two weeks ago today.

Sanford Castle of Care. This is where Cedric and Joseph were. There is a walkway just at the right edge of this picture that leads to the rest of the hospital; that is where I was. We spent a lot of time in this place and met some really fantastic people.

Last night as I was driving to and fro taking Joseph to and from his den meeting and Cedric and Seth to and from their troop meeting, I had some time to think; especially since I did not wait for Cedric and Seth. The last news I heard about Griffin is that he is still not awake; he is still in a coma. Not knowing the family and being privy to specific information, I don’t know anything more than that.

Seth. I didn't get to see him for the first couple of days.

What I do know is what it was like to sit and hold the hand of my son and my daughter, who were not awake. I do know how it feels to wonder what life is going to be like when they do wake up; and even when they are, how different will things be? How different will they be? Life will never be the same because Daniel is gone, but how much different will it be? What will our new normal look like? Before they woke up there were moments when I wondered if they would but mostly I just trusted that what was meant to be would be and that I would somehow be able to deal with it.

Amena. There were a couple of weeks when I seriously wondered if she would look like she had before because there was so much swelling on the right side of her face. All the bones miraculously went back where they needed to and now you really cannot tell.

I talked to them both about those thoughts and I let them know that whatever happened, everything would be okay; even if I could not see how. To say that none of us were changed by the experience would be an untruth. Even Joseph, whose physical injuries were minor scrapes and bruises, has been changed. Seth, if he ever has an x-ray of his right arm, will have noticeable physical changes. Cedric has a scar on his head that is evidence of his physical change and he does have trouble with his memory. He knows this and I make sure his teachers are aware. Amena can’t hear very well out of her right ear. She is aware of this and at first I made sure her teachers were aware; as time goes on I let her deal with it unless it seems she needs some parental intervention. Going deeper, there are some emotional scars that sometimes break open; sometimes they just twinge a little bit, sometimes they bring back floods of minute details.

Cedric. And me. There were too many tubes and needles to hold his hand at first but I could touch him and so I did.

What I was thinking about while driving back and forth is what I would say to Griffin if I were in a position to say anything. This is more or less what I came up with.

“I don’t know you well enough to call you Dude, but that’s what I call my own children unless it’s Dudette and you aren’t that so Dude it is.

“Hey, Dude, I know you probably don’t remember me. You probably remember Amena; she is in the same grade you are and has been since we moved here when she was in second grade. You might even remember Cedric; he would see you upon occasion when you were at football practice and he was at cross country practice. He is friends with Jacob Halfrey and saw you at their house sometimes, too. I wouldn’t expect you to remember Daniel; he was in the same grade as your sister, Brittany, but he was killed in the accident we were in just before 8^th grade. Maybe he was there to welcome her to post-mortal life.

“After our accident, I would sit with Amena and Cedric. They were both in medically induced comas for a time and then they were weaned off the drugs and were allowed to slowly return to us. I don’t know if your coma has been medically enhanced or not and ultimately, I don’t think it really matters. People say you’ve been responsive; that means you are still there and you are still fighting and that is what matters. Sometimes all a person needs is rest.

“Which reminds me of a story I read. I have a reputation for liking Star Wars and I do; I love the movies and I love what was the Expanded Universe books. I also love The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit as well as Harry Potter. I happen to love a lot more books than I do movies and one of my favorite authors is James Harriet. He was a veterinarian in Great Britain and wrote quite a few books about his experiences. In one of his books, he relates the story of a sheep. I do not recall the specifics of what was wrong with the sheep, it may have been related to lambing; whatever the case, this particular ewe was not doing well. Mr. Harriet gave her what he thought was a lethal injection of a drug often used to put animals down and left. Several days later, the farmer had Mr. Harriet come and look at the animal. She was up and doing well. She’d been asleep for two or three days and apparently, that’s all she needed; rest. Human beings are quite resilient; I am praying that all you need is rest.

“No matter what, hang in there. Unless you’ve been talking to some heavenly messenger, which is quite possible, and therefore are aware of the plan, just keep on keeping on. Know that there are at least hundreds, probably thousands of people praying for you and your family.

“Know that whatever happens, life will never be the same again. I don’t mean to say that it will be bad or that you will never experience joy or happiness; just that life will never be the same as it was. Never. I know this. I live this.

“Know that whatever happens, there is a plan and you have a part in that plan; you and each member of your family. Ultimately, what I pray for is that each of you will be able to accept and embrace whatever the future holds because there will be pain and anguish, but there can be beauty and peace, as well.

“Hang in there, Dude, we’re rooting for you!”

Busy and Good

Good morning. I’m looking outside at the amount of light and I can’t help but wonder why we must continue with these pointless time changes. This weekend we will be springing forward. To what end? Rather than 5:53 right now, in a week it will be 6:53. It makes getting up harder and getting to bed more difficult. There no longer is any purpose for the change so I really believe it is time to give it up. Most of Arizona, parts of Indiana, and Hawaii do not observe daylight saving time and California has a bill in the works to bring it to an end.

I understand that the purpose of the time change is supposed to save energy but does it really? I’ve read that during the oil embargo in the early 1970s that thousands of barrels of oil were saved which would indicate that changing the time is successful. However, more recently, a study was done in Indiana indicating that people in that state actually spend $9 million more than they would without DST. Furthermore, and I am in agreement, those who conducted the study believe in some parts of the country, the cost may be more.

If people want to save daylight, perhaps we should follow the example of the sun—rise with it and go to bed with it. I know this would be very difficult for some people but I also know that the body really is meant to do this and if people would turn off their lights and, in the world we live in now, their electronic devices, the body would be able to shut down more effectively at an earlier hour. Try using candles at night.

Daniel's 19th Birthday Cake. I didn't want to do 19 candles so we did 4 + 7 + 4 + 4 singles. It was all good. Sure do miss him but sure am glad we have good memories and can still do things like this.

Yesterday we had to get some extra school work done because Friday turned into a school disaster. We started out on time and it only took seven minutes to get our opening exercises done and I had this lovely plan to get things done and be able to go for a walk with Julia and then the phone rang. I like the person who called and I appreciate her thoughts and words; the timing was just bad. The boys got some work done before Julia arrived but apparently turned into speed readers while we were walking because the LEGOs were out when we returned. Then it was time for lunch and then Joanna stopped by after work. By that time, I’d about given up. Joseph had actually done everything other than math. Seth had done basically nothing.

Saturday I was going to have them finish but the day just didn’t work out that way so yesterday there was extra work. I know they weren’t happy about getting it all done yesterday, especially since I decided it was time to actively begin Spanish and art (science was last week and since the library reopened the end of January, we’ve begun regular trips there). Still, in spite of Seth’s pretty major attitude (which was partially due to the less than perfect coordinates for an assignment which I should fix before Joseph gets to that point), we did everything other than read the Spanish book we were going to (and I did give them a page with shapes and what they are in English and Spanish).

"Take a picture of me, Mom. I can see just fine through this. Can you see my face?" Um, no. He actually did go out like that but his face did not remain covered for long. (This is from Saturday.)

Joanna has today and Friday off and we talked about going to see Lincoln’s mom’s shop on one of them. I’m kind of guessing it won’t be today because I forgot to ask her about it yesterday. Still, it could be. I have written into our school plans for the rest of the school year a day each week of only math and reading so we can do science experiments and go on field trips or other outings. I don’t know why I didn’t do this earlier in the school year and my plan is to initiate the practice from the beginning in the fall. If we don’t go with Joanna this week, we’ll do the flex day Thursday because Seth has an eye doctor appointment in Lancaster in the morning that will really throw our schedule off.

9:39 pm

Nothing like waiting a bit before sharing, I guess. It’s been a busy, good day. Quite a bit accomplished, although not everything on the list, including ALL school work done for a couple of boys. This is something that makes choosing to be happy much, much easier. I hope your day was productive as well, that you sleep well tonight, and that you wake up in the morning to a new and wonderful day.

Perspective

Nineteen years ago at this time, Daniel was a little baby who had just made his entrance into this cold, hard world less than six hours previously. With his birth, I was vindicated: I was not going to have a bunch of only girls. So many memories of Daniel. So many. And yet, in some ways, in many ways, not enough.

Fourteen years, four months and twenty-nine days is certainly too short a time to be amongst the living, mortal, populace of the world. On the other hand, how blessed we were to have him with us for fourteen years, four months and twenty-nine days.

Yesterday I was talking to a couple of people about perspective. For example, when I am typing these words, or any others, the cursor moves initially from the top of the page to the bottom of the page. Once the bottom is reached, the cursor moves along the bottom. When I reach the end of a line, it jumps to the left and I have space to write another line or two before, when I reach the end of a line again, it jumps to the left and I have space to write another line or two. And so it goes. If I arrange the page so that I am working near the top of the screen (which I like to do because there is slightly less strain on my neck because my eyes aren’t looking at the bottom constantly), then I can type along and type along and nothing happens until I get to the bottom of the visible page again.

Here’s the thing: when I am working at the bottom of the visible page, I can see all these lovely words that I’ve already written and, oh, aren’t they lovely? I love words. They can say so much or so little depending upon which ones are used. Working at the bottom, I don’t know how much space I have, although with technology it doesn’t really matter because as a new page is needed, it is provided; the words just continue and spill onto the next. However, working at the top, I cannot see all of those words. I can see all this empty space just waiting to be filled. The only drawback to this is that if I want to review what I’ve written, I must scroll up (which is a pain because the scroll function of my keyboard isn’t working properly). Still, there is this space, all this potential to fill this lovely space with more words.

Which is better? From a taking-proper-care-of-the-body-view, perhaps working at the top is better, and this may be different for people unlike myself who have allowed themselves to be talked into bifocals or progressive lenses or something similar. From any other perspective, I am not at all sure there is a better. I think it has more to do with personal preference. I like to see potential but I also like to see what has been accomplished so perhaps better is just a matter of perspective.

The same is true of anything in our lives. We can take any event and turn it into a good thing or a bad thing. The really amazing thing is that one day the same event we typically think of as good, may be bad, and vice versa. We are such fickle beings.

Take Daniel’s physical death. Why do we miss him; why do we mourn; why is this such a painful process? Well, we do miss him. From the time he was born, he was only with us for fourteen years, four months and twenty-nine days. We mourn the fact that he is no longer physically with us. We mourn for the loss of potential. We mourn because we love him. Do we mourn Daniel? Or do we mourn for ourselves? I would submit that we are inherently selfish. Yes, I know that many of us do good things and are good people. Maybe even most of us are. Most of us are not bad and we do not do outwardly horrible things. So what’s the deal? How are we selfish?

I know this won’t work for everyone because I know there are people in the world who do not believe that there is any kind of life after death; they believe that once you are dead, you are dead and that’s just it. How incredibly sad this view is. And how limiting. If I believed this, I tend to think that I wouldn’t care what I did. I mean, if there is nothing after this life, why do anything good? Why be good? Why not have worldly fun all the time? Why bother with learning, with being healthy, with serving others, with anything? We are, after all, very selfish. It would matter not at all if we hurt others along the way if there is nothing after this life so it would not matter what we do.

So, how are we selfish? For those of us who believe there is something after this life, and some of us believe that something has the possibility to be quite good, why would we not want to be there? If mortality is just a room in the eternal progression, and if all these horrible things happen here, why would we be sad for those of us who leave it? Because we are selfish. Because we do our best to convince ourselves that because we miss this person so much that he or she should still be with us in spite of the fact that this person is in a better place. You see, we are left behind. If we are still here, why then are they not?

It’s perspective. I know that Daniel will not experience physical pain; he has not for four years, five months and two days. And a couple hours. I am told that he died instantly. I hope this is true.

I know that Daniel is happy. He is with family and eternal friends who have gone on before. There may be a tinge of sadness because we are not with him but I think in the eternal scheme of things, it will just be a few minutes, maybe hours, before we join him even though from our perspective it will most likely be years or even decades.

Why do I still cry? Because I miss him. Why? Because I love him. But I do love him so why can I not just be happy that he is in a better place? Because I’m human and I have too many weaknesses to count and I wish I had been a better mother to him and what if I’m not good enough to get to where he is? You see, I still view this from my mortal perspective. Most of the time.

I guess the good thing is that it changes over time. This love will always be there. The missing will be there until there is no need for it to be. I need to be grateful that we had the amount of time in mortality that we did and look forward to the future.

Perspective.

Have a wonderful day. 

"It sucks."

Good morning! Although I wrote the bulk of this post last night, I thought it might be nice to touch bases this morning. It is a windy one and only 27° so not nearly as nice as yesterday. Yesterday I never had to turn up the thermostat because the house was so warm; today I will since our high is only expected to be 30°. There are quite a few clouds, most of them dark and glowering, none of them content to be still. Or, perhaps none of them happy to be hurried on their way. In either case, I want to go out and see the big creek behind the house before I post this.

I only had the two companions today. Misty stayed in again and Seth was otherwise occupied.

Amena went to Nick’s after school yesterday so I went to pick her up at 8:00. That means I left at about 7:25 in order to be there about 8:00. There was a candle lighting ceremony at Hubbardston Center School for the Murch family. I probably should have called Amena and told her I’d pick her up at 7:00 or at 8:30. On the other hand, I don’t feel completely in control of my emotions right now and the most simple things can set me off so….

Still, on the way home, I asked Amena how school was today. Usually I get the typical, “I don’t know,” answer but not today. She said that it was different which I kind of expected. We talked about other people at school. She mentioned that Wayne and Allie drove to school Wednesday morning and made it okay. Just thinking about what it would mean to her for something like this to happen to them really brings home how other people feel.

Amena said that in some classes they really didn’t do much in the way of work. Specifically she was telling me about her art class. Art is art so it often isn’t terribly academic so….

One thing she mentioned is that the other students who sit at her table were talking about Griffin and wondering what it’s like to be in a coma. Can you talk to people and tell them things while they’re in a coma? Do they remember things? How much does a person know when they are in a coma?

I can tell you that you certainly can talk to people while they are in a coma. I talked to Cedric and Amena both while they were in theirs. I didn’t get to talk to Amena as much as I did Cedric because we were in different hospitals and by the time I was able to visit Amena in person, she was under a lighter sedation and was beginning to move around. A lot. So much so that she had periods of lucidity when she actually broke IV lines. Still, you talk to them. You talk to them a lot. You tell them everything you would normally tell them and then some. You tell them how very much you love them and you apologize for them being where they are and let them know that you will do everything in your power to help them get well. You hold their hand and you cry and you know that you have something terrible to tell them and you know it is going to be very hard. You don’t know how hard because you’ve never had to do anything even remotely like it but you can’t imagine that it will be easy and you know for certain that fun doesn’t enter into the equation at all. But, yes, you do talk to them.

I can tell you that they might remember things but the chances are pretty slim. You certainly don’t tell them anything that is important for them to remember. You talk. You don’t expect them to respond and you don’t expect them to remember. But sometimes you are surprised. How much do they know when they’re in a coma? Well, that’s a good question, isn’t it? I’ve done a fair amount of reading and some people remember conversations verbatim. Some people retain a sense of presence but nothing more. Some people report that they had out-of-body experiences and can tell you who was there and when. Sometimes they can tell you what was said and sometimes they can’t. So, you talk to them and you expect nothing in return.

And sometimes you get a surprise. Before I could go see Amena in person, I was able to Skype with her. I didn’t get to see her and I’m not sure my image was available for her but she wouldn’t have been able to see me at that point, anyway. But we could hear. All I said was, “Amena, this is Mom. I love you.” The nurse on the other end said that when she heard my voice she smiled and calmed down. What a way to melt a mother’s heart, eh? So you talk and you expect nothing in return but sometimes you get something anyway.

I was able to see Cedric as soon as I was able to sit in a wheelchair. Joseph got to come see me the very first day because he was in pretty good shape. It was hard to see him and not be able to pick him up. I was used to this youngest boy of mine climbing in bed with me for a snuggle and I couldn’t even turn from one side to the other without taking forever and experiencing a lot of pain. Sitting in a wheelchair wasn’t fun but I wanted to see Cedric so I did it. I held his hand and talked to him. I cried. I held his hand. I talked to him. I didn’t get a response at first but now I know that was because he was so heavily sedated; his injuries were such that it was necessary. Eventually, the weaning process began and that is when the responses began. He would visibly calm when I was there. I touched him as much as possible—just holding his hand, a hand on his arm or shoulder or leg, anything. Different people had a different effect on him; some were calming, some were agitating; the doctor had to ask someone to leave at one point in time because he was becoming too agitated.

Different children; different experiences. I can tell you, because I’ve asked them both, that they have no conscious memories from this period of time but that does not mean that they were completely unaware of what was happening around them.

These students wondered if Griffin knows about his sister. I would submit that on some level, he does, because I knew that Daniel was gone before I was told. The telling just made it more real. So, while he may know on a subconscious level, he will most likely have to be told and at that point it will probably become very real and that is when the grief and the pain come and roll over you like a steamroller. Telling Cedric that Daniel was dead was the very most difficult thing I have ever had to do and telling Amena, Seth and Joseph was plenty difficult as well.

“What is it like to wake up from a coma and find out your sister is dead?” these students wondered. People really need to teach their children to be more thoughtful and considerate. I realize that the pain is not the same for people who have not had to live through something like this but what I wish people would wake up to is that for us, the pain will never be completely gone. The grief and anguish will always be there. Always; or at least until we are gone as well. And we do not know what others are experiencing so we need to be kind. We need to be thoughtful. We shouldn’t be afraid to open our mouths out of fear of offending someone but I submit that offense is vastly different than pain and that while we can choose to be offended by something, we cannot choose to avoid pain.

 Amena said she didn’t say anything but she wanted to say, “It sucks.” I told her she should have.

This next pictures are similar views of the same area. On the left is yesterday morning; on the left this afternoon. Quite a difference.

Kitty was willing to get a lot closer to the water today. I should have gone out this morning rather than waiting until after lunch.

What a change in just 29 hours, eh?

Change

Good morning! I just had to look at the weather because it’s so warm right now. It appears to be 56° at the moment. So for fun I looked at the hourly forecast. It is supposed to get steadily cooler throughout the day until 8:00 when we have an expected temperature of 33°. Isn’t that interesting. Last night it was quite warm and windy and rainy leaving us with a damp, windswept world, lots of glowering clouds and a creek overflowing with rushing water. The wind blew open the front door and the doormat, which is a fair number of feet from the open doorway out to the rest of the word, is wet from rain. I don’t remember if I dreamed or actually saw a weather report that indicated we were due for thunder but I either dreamed or we actually had some during the night and in my dream or half-awake state remember thinking that the weather report was correct. It was that kind of night.

Jay should recognize these two pictures. They were taken down at Daniel's grave.

Last night I wrote down a few thoughts so I wouldn’t forget them. No matter how well I think I’ve implanted something in my mind, the chances it will still be there in the morning are not always good. These thoughts had a better chance but I still didn’t want to risk it. Now, I am left wondering if I remember because I wrote them down or because I would have remembered anyway or if, perhaps, it is because of the subject. Perhaps a combination of all three.

Some time ago, within a few months of our accident, there was an ad on the sidebar of my Facebook page that said, “Accidents ruin lives.” It was, of course, an ad for an attorney who deals with lawsuits resulting from accidents and of course this person wants people to believe that accidents really do ruin lives. The problem is that it just isn’t true.

Our accident did not ruin our lives. It forever changed them, but did not ruin them. Only I have the ability to allow my life to be ruined. Only you have the ability to allow your life to be ruined. Fourteen years is too short a time to live in this life but Daniel’s death did not ruin his life, it did change it forever. Daniel’s death, my fractured back and concussion did not ruin my life; it did change it forever. I can say the same thing for Alisha, Laura, Joanna, Amena, Cedric, Seth, and Joseph, as well as anyone else who knew Daniel. For some people, those who did not know him well, they might not have recognized the change and they might not realize that it is even still there, but it did, even if just a small bit.

Accidents ruin lives? I disagree. Accidents change lives. For better or worse. Forever. Yesterday a girl in Daniel’s class and her brother, in Amena’s class, were in an accident on the way to school: Brittany and Griffin Murch. Not the only accident, but the only fatal one. Brittany was killed and I can tell you that seventeen years is too short a time to live this life. Their lives are forever changed but they are not ruined. They are not ruined unless they each make that choice. Griffin was as of last night in critical care. They are in my prayers and my heart aches for them.

My life is forever changed.

A nest of some type way up in the tree.

Lots of water. Lots of change.

Kitty was having fun exploring, too. Misty didn't go down with us.

More water.

Normally, there is water along the right in this picture, not the left.

Ditto.

Just lots more than usual.

The three explorers.

Seth was really checking out the water and things under the water. He was amazed at the way the pressure from the water pressed the boots close to his legs.

In other news, Amena missed the bus this morning. They had a substitute driver Tuesday and yesterday morning. We caught up at Jeppson’s driveway. The roads are littered with broken bits and pieces of trees and branches brought down in the wet and windy night. Some people in Hubbardston lost power for a time during the night (it’s amazing how they still remain connected). I went down to the creek with Seth and Joseph and Kitty and took some pictures. Nature is so amazing.

Now I am going to get ready to go about my day and decide how the changes are going to affect my life.

Have a grateful day.