Graduation

Dear Everyone Who Reads This, or would had I been writing as of late,

Much has been happening lately, some of which precluded writing. There are just times and circumstances when writing isn’t . . . right.

I have spent much time contemplating the circumstances in which I find myself. As you may recall, I recently read Billy Idol’s book, Dancing With Myself. The takeaway lesson for me from that is to be yourself—don’t let what other people expect of or want from you get in the way of being yourself.

This is something I have struggled with most of my life and I’ve decided to stop. It is high time to allow myself to be myself. In this reflective state I have come to realize that at different times, different aspects of me were fairly true to self but never wholly and never completely. Add to this the fact that we change over time, and some days I’m not sure who I am.

There are some things I know and because of one of them, I am actually writing today and will actually post what I write.

Today is June 3, 2016. Today is the day when Daniel would be graduating from high school. Today is one more milestone that just isn’t happening.

Instead of getting everyone ready so we can go, I spent the day making log books for letterboxing. Eight of them. It was mostly fun and I actually started a few weeks ago when I separated out the piles of 3”x5” index cards and folded them in half in preparation. I actually marked and made holes in them yesterday and sewed three of them together. But today I sewed the rest of them together and got covers ready and glued them together and now they are waiting for tomorrow when the binder clips will come off and we’ll see the finished product.

Just a random pile of rocks we found when Seth, Joseph, and I were at Moore State Park on May 19.

Instead of worrying or spending any time thinking about what the future might hold, I planted corn in the garden with Joseph this morning. Seth helped me with the hose so it would reach all the way to the second bed of corn. Each bed that has been planted (only three) was watered and takes about an hour because I put the sprinkler on one end and let it run for 25-30 minutes and then move it to the other end.

Instead of, instead of, instead of. And yet, it didn’t hit me until Amena and Cedric got home. I thought Cedric had track practice today so I said, “No practice today?”

“No,” was his answer. “It’s graduation.”

Oh. Yeah.

Graduation.

Daniel’s graduation.

Except that Daniel graduated four years, ten months, and one day ago.

Does it seem macabre to you that I can randomly figure that out with very little thought?

Oh, the forever changes that can happen because of a split second.

Enjoy your life while I figure out who I am.