Speak Your Truth: Flu Shots

Email conversation about me signing a declination regarding the flu shot:

To Sue Deacon, December 6:

Good morning,

I am one of the volunteer doulas and I normally sign a declination for the flu shot. I have lost/misplaced in cyberspace the email of the woman I contacted last year for this. Would you be so kind as to point me in the right direction?

Thanks,

Pam

From Sue to Abby Melendy, Samual Mooneyham, me, December 6:

Sure. I am assuming you know you will have to wear a mask and that
Lynn and Sam are aware. You will contact Abby Melendy
978-630_6545
Abby.Melendy@Heywood .org
I will cc her and Sam on this.
Thanks!! Appreciate all you do!

Sue

From Abby to Sue, me, Samual, December 6:

If a declination is signed then a mask will have to be worn when in three feet of a patient especially a baby. If you are found to not be wearing a mask you can be excluded from working on the floor.

Abby

From me to Abby, Sue, Samual, December 6:

Yep. This will be my third year of mask wearing. Thanks!

Pam

From Samual to me, Abby, Sue, December 7:

Pam,

Have you signed the declination yet?  

I want to remind you that you need a mask while you are now on the unit.  

Sam

From me to Sam, Abby, Sue, December 14:

Finally signed it and emailed it in this morning. Wearing the mask is within 3 feet of patients, is it not?

Pam

From Sue to me, December 14:

Hi Pam

I think you need to check with Sam on when you need to 

wear the mask. I believe it has to be worn the whole time you are on

the unit as it is a high risk area.  

Please check with him directly on this.

Thanks!

Sue

From me to Sue, December 14:

Thanks, Sue, I will check with him.

Pam

From me to Sam, December 14:

Hi Sam,

I just wanted to double check on wearing masks. In the past I was only required to wear them within three feet of patients so I thought I'd better make sure before I go in and find out it is otherwise because I'm not. 

Thanks,

Pam

From Sam to me, Abby, Sue, December 14:

Pam,

I would prefer that you wear a mask at all times while on the unit.  You are right about it requires to wear it within 3 feet of a patient.  Due to infant having an immature immune system, I would ask that you not go into the nursery please.  

Sam

From an English perspective, I probably could have worded that last one better. Still, me being me, I probably wouldn’t have. In fact, I did look at it somewhat objectively, decided it might not be as easily understood by someone who does not know me as it is by myself, and let it stand.

Also from an English perspective, it seems clear to me that just having a Master’s of Science in Nursing and being a registered nurse and neonatal nurse practitioner does not mean you are very good at English. If I were writing Sam’s last response, I would have written it like this: “I would prefer that you wear a mask at all times while on the unit. You are correct about hospital policy requiring masks to be worn within three feet of a patient. However, due to an infant having an immature immune system (or due to infants having immature immune systems), I would ask that you please not go into the nursery.”

In all fairness, I realize that Sam probably is quite busy and does not have time, or even the inclination, to check his emails for grammar, punctuation, etc. Especially when the email in question is being sent to a lowly volunteer.

Such things do matter to some of us lowly volunteers. Perhaps they matter too much. At the same time, I remember sitting at an awards banquet not long before graduating from MWCC. My only reason for being there was because I was in the honors program. I had a GPA of 3.91 at the time and while awards were being given out, the nursing students often had their GPAs announced. Quite frankly, if mine had been even 3.5, I would have been embarrassed. Most of these people had in the neighborhood of 3.0. I get that some of the classes are hard. I get that some of these people were not traditional students in that they had children and a life outside academia. However, I also get that I am not overly fond of the idea of being treated or seen by a doctor or nurse who slid by with a 3.0. That’s a B average, for goodness sake. Average. If he/she did not get solid Bs, it means that for every A, there was a C. Do you want to know why mine was a 3.91? Because I got a B and a B+ amid my mostly As. And the B was because my mentor didn’t like me much.

Also, what good is being fluent in medical terminology if you are not able to adequately communicate in English?

This is what my declination looks like:

Just in case it might be hard to make out my reason to decline, it reads, “I fail to see the benefit of subjecting myself to the possibility of being sick for potentially several weeks in order to avoid the inconvenience of having to wear a mask for a few hours.”

Seriously. I’m pretty sure I’ve had the flu twice in my life. I’ve had strep throat a few times, I used to get tonsillitis like clockwork in the winter, I very rarely have a cold. I do have allergies but I can tell the difference between allergies and an illness.

Five years ago next month, I got a flu shot because I was completing a phlebotomy internship and I had to wear a mask otherwise. I think if I didn’t have to wear glasses, I might have just worn a mask but when you are sticking needles in people’s arms, you kind of need to see what you’re doing and when I have a mask on with my glasses, I often get foggy and can’t see as well as I’d like. I think if I had it to do over again, I’d ask to complete my internship after flu season. Still, the past is in the past and can’t at this point be changed.

Later that same year, I got a second flu shot because I was entering the flu season again as a volunteer doula at the hospital. I hate masks and just thought it would be easier to get the stupid shot. However, after that second shot, I didn’t feel well for about two weeks. For that entire year and the following, I felt like crap a lot. I didn’t have really full blown colds and I didn’t get the flu, but I just spent way too much time feeling unwell.

Since then, I’ve declined. Last year, I went in with Jonathan and Elizabeth when Rebecca was born and because they were personal friends, I went as a private doula rather than a volunteer because I thought it incredibly stupid to have to wear a mask around them when they hadn’t had flu shots either and I saw them on a minimum once a week at church and often during the week as well.

Let’s talk for a moment about how the flu spreads and how to avoid it. I’ve borrowed heavily from WebMD for this. It appears that the flu spreads from one person to another via the little droplets of goo that are produced when you cough or sneeze. This goo flies through the air and gets literally everywhere including other people and whatever surfaces are near by. If you breathe in the goo, or it lands on your mouth or nose, guess what? You’ve been infected. If you inadvertently touch the goo that landed somewhere and then touch your own gooey places on your face (think eyes, nose, and mouth) within 2 hours of the goo landing, guess what? You’ve been infected. Sounds like fun, eh?

What are the best ways to avoid catching or spreading the flu? Well, webMD has seven suggestions that they list before mentioning, as the CDC wants them to, that the best is a flu vaccine. We’ll get to that in a bit. Those seven suggestions are:

1. Keep your distance. Big duh on that one. I mean, seriously.

2. Stay home. Bigger duh on that one. One of my pet peeves is when people take their obviously sick offspring to church. Maybe they aren’t concerned about their own family, but I am about mine. Keep your sick self and family home, dude.

One of my favorite sick stories happened at the library in Bonners Ferry once. It doesn’t involve the flu, but it could easily have been that rather than what it was. I was at the check out desk and was very pregnant with Seth. I had Cedric, Amena, Daniel, Joanna, and Laura with me although Joanna and Laura weren’t right at the desk with me. This woman who can barely speak says, “I had to check out a few books to keep me occupied. The doctor just told me I have strep.” Are you freaking kidding me? You were just breathing and coughing and probably sneezing all over the library where I and my children were and you have strep throat? Stay the heck home. Seriously. Idiots abound.

3. Cover your mouth and nose when you sneeze or cough. Really. Do this. Don’t just cover with your hand which you can then go and touch things with and don’t just cough or sneeze into your elbow because it isn’t going to catch everything. Use a Kleenex or paper towel or napkin or bath towel or something. Cover your whole head. And then properly discard or wash whatever it is that you used.

4. Wash your hands—a lot. You think? Yeah. All the time. You need to wash your hands like I do. I wash them when I’m washing dishes or cleaning the kitchen or reading or cooking or watching Vikings (because, you know, they didn’t) or any other activity I happen to be doing. Wash your hands. Wash them so much you need to use lotion because they’re all red and chapped. Well, maybe not that much. Or maybe that much.

5. When you wash your hands in a public restroom: they have a whole list of what you should do in this instance. Basically, use warm water, hold a paper towel under an arm, use soap, sing Happy Birthday or the ABC song twice while you wash, and rinse. Dry, use the towel to turn off the water and then use a towel to open the door. Some people do this all the time. For me, it depends on how dangerously I feel like living at the moment. Generally, I prefer not to use public restrooms and I rarely sit on a public toilet seat, never mind touching the sink or soap dispenser or towel dispenser. I mean. Yuck.

6. Don’t touch your face. Within reason, here, you know? If you are in the shower and you need to wash your face, go ahead and touch it. If you haven’t washed your hands for an hour or two, maybe you should do that first.

7. Practice good health habits in general. You know, eat good food, get enough rest, relax, exercise. Basically, be healthy and don’t add to the stress of just living in this germ infested world.

Got it? Good. Just common sense. Which is another subject entirely.

Now, flu facts. Here is a poster that is on the door of the exam room in which Amena and I spent way too much time in October:

Let’s examine this. Up to 1 in 5 people get the flu. One in five. That’s 20% of the general population. If I am a woman of childbearing age and I am pregnant, I have approximately 1 in 3 chance of having a cesarean section. That’s 33%. So, if I’m a woman and I’m pregnant, I have a better chance of c-section than the flu. Based on that, I think I’d take my chances.

The population of the US is, according to quickly found information online, about 325,256,236 as of right now based on UN estimates. I don’t trust the UN but I’ll take that number. Out of that number, up to 65,051,247.2 people will get the flu. That means that possibly more than 260,204,988.8 people will not get the flu. Are we good so far? Okay.

More than 200,000 hospitalizations result from flu-related complications every year. So, out of the 65,051,247.2 who get the flu (even though that’s an “up to” number), 200,000 will end up in the hospital. That’s like 0.3% of all the people who get the flu. That’s .006% of the general population. Statistically, that is not a big deal.

20,000 children under the age of 5 are hospitalized every year because of influenza complications. I’m guessing that those are part of the 200,000 but I could be wrong. Let’s just go with the idea that they are. That’s 10%. Ten percent of those hospitalized are under the age of 5. I don’t mean to make light of a child being sick, but that’s 0.003% of those who get the flu and 0.006% of the general population. These are pretty small numbers.

And they get smaller.

Flu can be deadly for young children. In 2014-2015, 148 pediatric deaths were reported to the CDC. 148 out of over 65 million. I’m not even going to break that down.

90% of influenza deaths are in people age 65+. Same thing. I’m not breaking that down.

You can go to the CDC website and there you will find a lot of numbers and tables and what they will be telling you is that the flu vaccine helps prevent both deaths from the flu and people from even getting the flu. What they don’t really point out very well is that they really don’t know. They don’t really know how many people get the flu because not everyone who gets it goes to the doctor. Not everyone who gets a flu shot reports adverse affects and even those who do often are told that their symptoms are not related to the shot. You can visit them here and see what they have to say.

What would the numbers look like without flu vaccines? Who knows.

There are some things to remember, though. For one thing, each year the flu changes. The flu shot changes. Each year the flu shots have vaccines for those flu strains the experts think are most likely to be dominate. What on earth does that mean? It means that even if you get the flu shot, you could still get the flu. It could be that these experts are completely wrong or that you were just exposed to a different strain or whatever. For another thing, it’s all just a bunch of guess work. They, meaning the experts, don’t really know how many people get the flu each year. They don’t really know how many people have adverse reactions to the shot. Even when someone reports an adverse reaction, it is not often recognized as such.

Don’t be a sheep and blindly follow the masses. Be a goat and do a little research. To me, the numbers, my own personal experience, and my general mistrust of the government just do not justify subjecting myself and my family to this. However, if at the end of the day you still think the flu shot is the way to go, I’ll still be your friend. I might think you’re crazy, and you’ll probably think I am too, but that’s okay.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a Billy Idol video to finish watching. 

Speak Your Truth

Good morning. It is a cold one out. I realize that it is colder in some places but when the thermometer says 0°F, it is cold. That is what it said when I went out to milk at 7:25. Previous to that, it was even colder. It might be slightly warmer than that now, but even if it’s 1°F, it is still cold.

This is from earlier in the month. Joseph was reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle to Maddie. She ought to love books and reading.

I would like to thank Megan Hill this morning for something she posted on Facebook. This is it:

“I was going to die, sooner or later, whether or not I had even spoken myself. My silences had not protected me. Your silences will not protect you.... What are the words you do not yet have? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence? We have been socialized to respect fear more than our own need for language."

“I began to ask each time: "What's the worst that could happen to me if I tell this truth?" Unlike women in other countries, our breaking silence is unlikely to have us jailed, "disappeared" or run off the road at night. Our speaking out will irritate some people, get us called bitchy or hypersensitive and disrupt some dinner parties. And then our speaking out will permit other women to speak, until laws are changed and lives are saved and the world is altered forever.

“Next time, ask: What's the worst that will happen? Then push yourself a little further than you dare. Once you start to speak, people will yell at you. They will interrupt you, put you down and suggest it's personal. And the world won't end.

“And the speaking will get easier and easier. And you will find you have fallen in love with your own vision, which you may never have realized you had. And you will lose some friends and lovers, and realize you don't miss them. And new ones will find you and cherish you. And you will still flirt and paint your nails, dress up and party, because, as I think Emma Goldman said, "If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your revolution." And at last you'll know with surpassing certainty that only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking.”

--Audre Lorde

“Your silences will not protect you.”

“…only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking.”

This morning I got an email that was looking for money in order to protest Trump’s election. This group wants to begin now and continue twenty-four hours a day, three hundred sixty-five days a year, to discredit Trump and everything he says and does to the point of impeachment. I just had to laugh at that. For one thing, I’m not giving anyone money for anything. For another thing, wasn’t Bill Clinton impeached? And what good did that do? Did he leave office? Please, people, if you want to be taken seriously, be serious. Don’t assume that everyone out there is going to be swayed by your sensationalistic words.

This is our pillar of used wax just out of the mold. You can see the mold to the left as well as another candle to the right (part of it is at the top of the new one).

I don’t know why that led to other thoughts, but it did. Probably because there was a picture of Obama in my newsfeed. I didn’t even look at the headline but I got to thinking about that whole birth certificate debacle. You know, go ahead and tell whatever stories you want to about how terrible he is. It just doesn’t matter. He was elected and that’s the way it is. And his mother, for the record, was a US citizen. Honestly, this whole thing should have been laid to rest years ago and yet it still pops up every now and again.

This is in action. I wanted to save it for some unspecified day but Cedric really wanted to burn it so we lit it. I'm not sorry we did.

It is 9:01 and we’ve got a fire going. It’s too darn cold not to. I’ve also got hot chocolate getting hot on the stove. I made some non-spicy earlier so Amena could take some with her to school and Cedric could have some if he wanted. I wasn’t going to make any for me but it’s so not warm in here that I think I might take a bath in it.

The other day, Saturday I think, I decided to melt the wax from old candles and make a new one. I hate wasting all that wax and we all love candles and Daniel isn’t here to make firestarters for us. Since I have the molds and the wick, I thought, why not? I also have a now-empty jar that I think I’ll fit with a wick and anchor and begin pouring the wax in it. Paul burns more candles in his office than we do in the rest of the house so that’s a good source for more wax, as well. Saturday’s candle is eleven or twelve inches high and about three inches square.

We are burning a bit of oak right now so I thought I’d check out information about different types of wood and how hot they burn. Turns out I didn’t know much about them. All wood produces about 7,000 BTUs per pound so what really matters isn’t the type of wood but how much it weighs. Five cords of oak is going to produce more heat than five cords of pine because it weighs more. Huh. Interesting.

I think I should have called this Wart Soap instead of Crunchy Granola.

I’m not entirely convinced. It seems to me that cedar produces a pretty hot fire and that oak produces a pretty not-as-hot fire. And I seem to remember that madrone, which is really dense, produces a pretty hot fire. I might have to do a bit more research. If I feel like it. In my spare time.

I can tell you that the wood this morning had to warm up before it would burn. I can also tell you that when we move to western Montana, we need to have wood storage in the basement along with an indoor winter barn for the goats. I can also tell you that my hot chocolate is hot now, I need to get some reading done today, I need to pick up some oil, I need to do something for the Court of Honor this evening, I need to take some pictures, and I’m sure there are other things that need doing that I’ve not managed to remember at the moment.

Have a wonderful day and don’t forget to speak.

This one does not get a title. Oops!

Good morning. We’ve had a very interesting past few days. Really, it has been a very interesting past few months about which I’ve written almost nothing. I have been very busy with life in general and school for Seth and Joseph, midwifery stuff for me, Thanksgiving, etc., etc., etc., but even when I’ve been busy in the past, I’ve still managed to write more often so it’s not just being busy.

Just a cool picture I accidentally took at church when I was planting a letterbox.

I don’t believe that speaking of specifics will help the situation so I won’t but I can and will say that I’ve been learning more and more about people and while sometimes this is good, it isn’t always favorable. More and more the desire to move west grows stronger. There are some things about New England that I really like and there are some people here that I really love. But while moving would mean leaving Joanna, Lincoln, and Maddie behind, I would be closer to more of my family and we can always visit and perhaps they would end up moving west as well. The future is certainly not certain, is it?

The view south from the French King Bridge.

Adam and Kim Olson moved from Massachusetts to Washington and they had one of Kitty’s kittens. Her name is Molly and she is the one kitten who looked the most like Kitty. She is a black and white tuxedo with less white on her face and more on her paws. Very pretty cat and very sweet. Amena told Kim that we would be happy to take her because they couldn’t. I agreed that I would be very happy to have her but I also knew that Paul would not want another cat. He didn’t want one and it has taken him four years to get to the point where he tolerates her in the house at all.

One of the ends of the French King Bridge. Specifically, the north west end.

Well, Molly was delivered last Monday and she spent the first two and a half days in the bathroom. After the first day of keeping the door shut, we left the door open but she remained in the bathroom. She had food, water, and her potty box so it was okay. The third day she began venturing out and didn’t hiss at anyone who went in the bathroom. I kept feeding her and talking to her and late on the third day she let me touch her. After that, it was a piece of cake. More or less. She would sit on my lap or on my shoulder and she was playing and just having a good kitty time. Except when it came to Kitty or Misty. Still, that’s to be expected because she was an only cat.

Joseph being Joseph in the Nativity at church Saturday.

Saturday, Kitty was on the brown couch and Molly was on a stool in the dining area when Paul came in and did not notice Kitty. He looked at Molly and said, “Hey, cat. What are you doing in here? You should be out catching things and eating them.” I suppose to someone who doesn’t like cats, the fact that they are both tuxedos might cause them to look very alike. I know Joseph called Molly Kitty a few times. Still, I thought it was pretty funny.

Later that day, as in after Amena and the boys were in bed, Paul finally noticed that Molly was not Kitty. I said, “This is Molly!” and went on to explain how it came to be that she was here. If it hadn’t been so late, he would have begun making phone calls right then and there to find her another home.

This is what a perfect night looks like. I was watching Billy Idol do "Postcards From the Past" while drinking hot chocolate with a candle burning.

Sunday Paul said that Devon would take her but kept calling people in case Devon backed out. I thought that Devon would be a perfect solution because he loves cats and his had gotten old and gone the way of all the earth so she would be an only cat in a quiet house. Paul said there was another family willing to take her but as soon as I found out they already have two cats, I said, no, that won’t work. They have an autistic son as well and I think that combined with two cats wouldn’t be so great. If there weren’t the other two cats, it would probably be fine. I’m not sure who else was on the list but anyone already with a cat would not have received my stamp of approval.

Devon came yesterday after work and took her home with him. He hadn’t been home long when he sent me a text saying, “The new owner just took over.” Twelve minutes later, “She’s a cuddle cat.” I think she’ll be fine. A part of me wishes that we could have kept her but that obviously was not meant to be.

Now I’m late for milking so I’d better get a move on in that direction.

Now Zoey is milked, the goats are fed and watered, most of the dishes are washed, and I’ve discovered that if you don’t want to fold clothes, you can put them in the washing machine and wash them again. Actually, I wouldn’t really do that just to avoid folding. I would, however, do it because they smell bad. Which is the case.

And, while today is one of those days I keep thinking of more I could expound on, I really must get on with other aspects of life.

Have a good day.

Thank You

Good morning! The chocolate is hot, the goats are milked and fed and watered, there is snow on the ground, there is a two-hour delay, I am almost done making a hat for Maddie for Christmas (I don’t have to worry about spoiling anything for her by mentioning that here, yet). Everything is pretty good in spite of the fact that the dishes are not done, the laundry is not folded, there is school today, and at the rate I am getting things written here it’s going to be a long time until I get to page 100 (this is on page 4, FYI).

Some pictures from Thanksgiving week.

I might not have bothered to spend any time here today if it weren’t for the fact that I find I have something I want to say that was just too long for a Facebook post (and, really, life should not be lived on Facebook).

She's an official bubble-blower even if you can't really see them in the picture.

I want to say “Thank you!” Thank you to all the people who supposedly liked the cookies that Paul took to the fireside and Christmas devotional last night. They were out of a bloody box, people. That’s the kind of stuff that people eat who don’t know how to cook. Thank you for encouraging Paul to buy more of that crap. Thank you. So freaking much. From the bottom of my heart.

This was so stinking cute! Elias was already asleep and Joanna put Maddie beside him and then covered them up with her blanket. Best buds!

If he hadn’t been in the kitchen making those things when I got home from Salem where I went to a prenatal appointment with Katie, I would have made gingersnaps. You know, the real deal. You know, with real ingredients like flour, eggs, butter, molasses, ginger; good stuff.

I just love this picture of Elias and his Auntie Joanna! He's such a cuddle bug! His Grandma Sorenson is going to really have fun with him at Christmas.

And here’s the difference: you know the three boys who live at my house? Well, together they didn’t eat a whole cookie. Cedric took a bite and didn’t take a second. Joseph took a bite and didn’t take a second. Seth took a bite and didn’t take a second. If I’d’ve made gingersnaps, half of them would have been gone before we left the house.

Part of our Thanksgiving spread. The real deal, people. Well except for the canned cranberry sauce. But notice the red bowl? That's the real deal. And, just to be fair, the pie crusts turned out pretty crappy. The fillings were all good, though.

That’s a big difference.

One you poor people who like boxed crap will never get to find out about.

Poor people. I feel sorry for you.

"To despair..."

Good morning. Hey, guess what? The sun is on its way up. Amazing how that works.

This morning I feel profoundly sad. I know that a lot of people are upset by Trump’s win Tuesday. I get that; I really do. Had Clinton won, there would have been a lot of people upset and I get that, too. In that respect, one is not better than the other. Due to how I voted, I would have this sadness, and even disgust, no matter which had won so there is that.

One thing that annoys the heck out of me is that, once again, I am being categorized according to what I say after this election. If I say, “It will get better,” which I have, I am privileged. Because I believe in God and because I believe that, in ways unbeknownst to us mere humans, he has everything under control, I am privileged. I mean, really, you know? Because that is what I believe. My knowledge is infinitesimal. The more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know. Go ahead and tell me that all these people who are so afraid know more than I do. It’s possible. Tell me they know more than God. No freaking way. So, hey, if my personal beliefs mean that I am privileged, so be it. That isn’t what makes me really sad.

This is.

Many of the people who are bemoaning the sad state of affairs do believe in God. Some of them even attend the same church I do.

Truly, I don’t understand. I mean, I get how people can be angry, frustrated, even frightened. But, as Marilla Cuthbert says in Anne of Green Gables, “To despair is to turn your back on God.” If you are angry or frustrated or frightened, that’s okay. It is. Everyone feels those at some point or another. But don’t despair. Do take constructive action. That is the only way anything good will be accomplished.

And, here’s a thought that might really stir things up: the electoral college doesn’t vote until December. Never in its history has it gone with the popular vote when it is opposite the electoral vote but there’s a first time for everything.

It really is a beautiful day. This is from Saturday afternoon. The muted colors were very pretty.

The sun is out. It is a beautiful day.

And this is from yesterday afternoon. What a beautiful day it was! Much like today.

Nothing to Fear When We Stand Together

Good morning. Yes, as of the time I am writing, it is still morning, even on the east coast. By the time I post, probably not.

First, today is Veteran’s Day. I know a lot of veterans and I am related to a lot of veterans and there are far too many to mention by name but I have to mention my favorite: James M. Lamberger. Aka Papa to me and his children and other grandchildren and great-grandchildren and now his great-great-grandchildren. I am grateful for his service to our country and our family. Without him, I certainly would not be who I am today. I am also grateful for the service of all the other veterans I know, and even those I don’t, and for the service of those who helped them to do what they’ve done.

Second, I have two theme songs right now. There is much more to both than my current take away but I’d like to share them anyway.

The first one is Nothing to Fear by Billy Idol. If you listen all the way to the end the last words are, “There’s nothing to fear/But fear itself.” I believe this to be true. When we give in to fear, what are we doing? When we cower behind closed doors, what are we doing? When we willingly submit to the thing we fear, what are we doing?

Anyone who knows me well knows I’m not a huge Disney fan. That said, I still think there are a few good movies that Disney has done. One of them is Remember the Titans. If you don’t know what it’s about, google it. If you do, great. Anyway, at one point, Coach Boone says, “I don’t scratch my head unless it itches and I don’t dance unless I hear some music. I will not be intimidated. That’s just the way it is.” He didn’t cower in fear. He could have, but he didn’t.

Again, anyone who knows me even a little might know that I share a birthday with Martin Luther King, Jr., and in high school (and beyond) I wrote more reports about him than anything or anyone else. If someone could have cowered in fear, he certainly could have. But he didn’t.

Let me share a couple of quotes by him.

“People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they have not communicated with each other.”

I read something yesterday that someone posted on Facebook. It was written by a Pakistani man who is Muslim and gay who voted for Hillary Clinton. He wanted to find out if it was true that all Trump supporters really are bigoted, privileged, etc., so he and his husband and their daughter went to Alaska. Guess what they found out? That people who voted for Trump aren’t all that way. The people they met work hard to support their families. They were kind and decent. They were not what this man was expecting to find.

Don’t think for a minute that I am stupid and naïve enough to believe that all Trump supporters are decent human beings; I don’t think they are. I don’t think Clinton’s supporters are all decent human beings either, for the record.

Another quote from MLK, Jr., “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moment of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

Where do you stand? That brings me to my next song which is When We Stand Together by Nickelback. Listen to the chorus: “We must stand together/There's no getting even/Hand in hand forever/That's when we all win.”

Are we standing together? I don’t think so. This election was pretty evenly divided between the two main candidates. That means there are a lot of people who are disappointed, even if just a little. Personally, if you know me at all, you know I voted for Johnson. Did I think he would win? No, I really didn’t, but I still voted for him because I could not vote for either Trump or Clinton. I may not have agreed with everything he said and did but I agreed with more of his platform than either Trump or Clinton. That said, from everything I saw and read and heard, I fully expected Clinton to win. Did that make me happy? No. But neither did the thought of Trump winning.

Now, I hear and see a lot of fear. “I’m afraid that….” “I fear this….” “I’m worried about…” Honestly, I see and hear many things that cause me to be greatly concerned about our future. I think things could get really ugly really fast. But fear does no one any good. No one.

What happens when you give in to your fear? You become subjected. You empower those you are afraid of. Let’s not. There are plenty of idiots but I think there are a lot more who aren’t. Those of us who are not, well, we need to stand together because I can tell you, “the drumbeat carries on.”

The world is still beautiful if we can just take the time to appreciate it.

No Insomnia Here, Man

Good morning. I went to bed last night at 11:00. That is later than normal and later than I should and I was tired and I slept well all night until after 4:00 when I usually wake up at least enough to use the bathroom and check the time. Do you know why I slept well?

I slept well because no matter who won the election, my worrying about it would have no effect on anything but my own health. Am I happy with the way the election went? No. Would I have been had Clinton won? No. Would I have been had someone else won? Perhaps. Even though I did vote 3^rd party, I don’t know that Johnson or McMullin winning would have solved any of our problems. We’ve been working on our problems for a good many years and no one individual is going to fix them. Well, I take that back. I happen to believe that there will be a second coming and Jesus Christ will come and when he does, he will fix things. I also happen to believe that things are going to get a lot uglier before that happens and this election might just help that along.

So, last night I slept. Will I continue being able to sleep? Only time will tell. Ultimately, unless my being awake will in some way help keep my family alive, I think I will. A human can only stay awake for so many hours before there are negative consequences after all.

And although the future could very well get really ugly, for now I look out the window and see that the sun is rising. In less than an hour, I will have to go out and milk. Amena and Cedric will get on the bus and go to school in about fifteen minutes (unless they miss it, in which case they’ll be home today). Seth and Joseph will do their school work today and a civics lesson is in store as we will be discussing the election and later today when I should be doing something else, I’m probably going to take a look at the numbers because from what I see now, the race was very, very close. I’m sure that there were those who imbibed too much alcohol and they are or will be ruing this morning. I’m sure there were some who went to bed and had sex and perhaps in nine months I will be honored to be a participant in the birth of a baby.

Although the future could get really ugly, there will always be beauty in the world and I can do everything within my power to make sure my family is as safe as possible. When faced with trials and hardships, should we give up? No. We should get to work. My paternal grandma, Mabel Roper, and I used to trade quotes and quips and one of my favorites was and is, “Work will win when wishing won’t.” It might be time to get to work. Well, it was a long time ago, really, but we can’t go back to the past, can we? Since we are where we are, it is time to get to work.

In other news, yesterday was a beautiful day. I voted, I read a lot about problems that can occur during pregnancy, I had a fantastic salad with lettuce and spinach, garbanzos, avocado, broiled chicken, and homemade Italian dressing. I also went to the track at Mount Wachusett Community College and watched Cedric race and beat Dan at the 800. I do love watching Cedric run. Seth didn’t want to race but he did run after they did. We didn’t time Cedric and Dan but I did time Seth. He did the 800 in one minute and 17.97 seconds. I love watching him run, too. Joanna and Joseph were there, as well, and after the running we drove up to Ashburnham intending to climb Mt. Watatic. We got a late start, though, and only made it to the top of Nutting Hill.

Once I got home, I read more, did laundry, and kept looking at election results. Then Amena got home at 8:00. Then the boys got home around 9:00. After the fun of getting everything settled down, we had family prayer and Amena and the boys went to bed. Paul got home after the boys were in bed but before their light was off. And then I went to bed.

Interestingly, when I looked at the numbers an hour ago, Trump had 47.6% of the popular vote to Clinton’s 47.58%. Now they stand at 47.58 and 47.61. Will the final number be different? I don’t know but I’m certainly not going to lose sleep over it.

Instantaneous Communication

Good morning. It’s nice and wet outside. Inside I’ve managed to make hot chocolate, wash the leftover dishes from last night (but not those from making hot chocolate), fold two loads of laundry (which Cedric already put away [they were mostly his]), and correct Seth and Joseph’s papers from yesterday that I didn’t get to yesterday. I also managed to wake up a few minutes before 4:00 to use the bathroom and wasn’t able to go back to sleep quickly enough so rather than lay there thinking about things I need to do today, I decided to actually get up and start on them. There is a load of sheets in the drier and a load of darks in the washer. The fun just has no end.

This is what the sunrise looked like on the 23rd. It was very pretty.

There are some things I like about the instantaneous communication of today and some things I do not like. I got an email last week from Cedric’s science teacher asking about a project. I knew he’d worked on it but had no idea why he had not turned it in. One day he said the room was rearranged and he couldn’t find the bin it should have gone in and the next day he just forgot. I knew he had it, because I looked through his back pack, and I mentioned this when I responded to the email. This morning I read another email she sent yesterday. This time she was asking if I’d seen another assignment when I went looking and no, I did not. He really had no response when I asked him about that this morning so he gets to work on it today after school unless he finishes during flex block of some other time during school.

This is what Joseph and Maddie looked like on the 23rd. Aren't they just the cutest little uncle and niece?

I also got an email from Amena’s English teacher. They are reading The Crucible and had a quiz. The email was a rather generic one and a mass-send to all the parents of students who got less than 70 on a quiz. Personal emails I don’t mind from teachers because I know that they are actually aware of my student and have a concern or something specific to say. When I get mass mailings, I have no such feeling and I’m not a huge fan of them. Especially when I hear from my student that only ten people in the class of over twenty scored over 70. Amena doesn’t like the way this particular teacher grades things and I have to say that grading in high school should be fairly uniform, especially within a school. Amena also said that there was another high school English teacher who was well-liked by students (I think that says a lot for any teacher, personally) but her teacher went to the administration and the other teacher ended up getting fired. Granted, this is what she heard from another (now graduated) student, but with the way the world is today, I believe it is very possible. Quite likely, even.

Just another view of that awesome sunrise since we didn't get to see one this morning.

To this email from the English teacher I have not responded. There are so many things I could say, so many directions I could go. If more than half the students did not do well on a quiz, is it possible that there is something deficient in how the material is being presented or taught? Given that Amena also reports that there is an attention-never-brought-to-board on the side wall of the classroom which at least occasionally has information that might be found useful by students, I think this is likely.

And just another view of these two because I don't know how anyone can get enough. Please note that I did not post this to either Instagram or specifically to Facebook.

Never having been to this classroom and never having met this particular teacher, there is a lot I do not know. I do know my child, though. I hope that no teacher ever thinks that I will take the side of the teacher over my own child just because the teacher is the teacher or is an adult. I also hope that no child of mine ever thinks that I will take the side of my child simply because my child is my child. There are always two sides to the story. That all said, based on what I do know, I have my thoughts and opinions in this particular case.

In other news, I looked at the clock at 7:09 and realized I needed to go milk. Once I got out to the barn, I realized I needed to take care of the grain before I could milk since I neglected to do it yesterday. In other words, it wasn’t a ten-minute operation; it was a twenty-minute operation.

Cedric has a cross country meet this afternoon unless it is deemed to be too wet. Then I’m not sure if he’ll have practice or not. We will have to wait and see. As of right now, it is still on. The weather is supposed to clear up, or at least the rain is supposed to stop. Weather reports are only so reliable, though.

Seth and Joseph have school stuff to do. I have school stuff to do but no appointments and other than going to watch/pick Cedric up and take Amena to and from work, no reason to go out and about. I’d love to go out for a field trip but I’d really love for it to be a hiking field trip and I’m not sure I really want to do that until this cold/cough is gone.

Unless I write a very short blurb next time, this will be it for this 100 pages as I’m on page 100 of 100 and word 64,033. Not that the number of words has much to do with anything.

And that’s about it for now. I hope you have a fantabulous day!

What does your day look like?

Good morning! Lots of interesting thoughts running through my mind this morning. For one thing, it’s amazing to me that something like R2D2 can have so much stuff stored on/in it. I mean, I have two full-length manuscripts stored on it plus a whole lot of other stuff. Just an incredible thing that we have at our disposal today.

As I was milking Zoey, I was thinking about the different things I’ve walked into this morning and comparing them. These things happen, you know, when you are sitting and milking a goat. For example, the humidity this morning has been palpable. The humidity and the spider webs are very present this morning; the only real difference is that the fog is diffused and while you can feel and see it, it easily moves and you are able to walk through it as opposed to the spider webs which are very concentrated and must break in order for you walk through them. I don’t purposefully break spider webs, by the way, but if they build their webs where I must walk, something has to go and it isn’t me. Or, in another way of looking at it, I do have to go and therefore the web does as well.

This guy (or girl--I don't know how to tell the difference) was sitting there when I was driving off for the first appointment (which I found out had been changed to 12:00 rather than 11:30 while en route). Just sitting there. Cute little bugger. But I couldn't help but wonder where Kitty was because she needs to take care of this thing, cute or not.

Lastly, if you have only two children, you really have nothing in common with me. Perhaps that is harsh. Perhaps I should say you really have very little in common with me. Especially if you have a husband who is willing and able to help provide taxi service. Say you have two children, a boy and a girl, you have a job, we’ll say you work from home to make the comparison easier, and you are involved with other things such as scouts and sports.

Let’s talk about that husband first. Does he work? Hopefully. Does he work from home? Does he have an office job? Is he on the road a lot?

Working from home can make life easier or more difficult depending on what exactly his work entails. In general, I’m going to make the assumption that the reason he works from home is because he has some kind of an office job that can either be done from home or is self-employment. This being the case, he can most likely take a few minutes to an hour or so to take children to the doctor or drop them off at school or take them to practice or scouts or what-have-you. If his job requires being on the phone and he sometimes is not able to get off, well, that puts a kink in his helping you with taxi service. A kink, however, is not a permanent issue. Unless he’s on the phone all day long which is possible but does not seem likely. At least, not for the same call.

If he technically works from home but his job happens to be construction or something of that nature, he will of necessity have to be away from home for extended periods of time from an hour or more to weeks. If his jobs are near enough to home that he is able to return home every night, he still can most likely help with transportation to scouts and practice at least some of the time. If he is gone for days or weeks, well, that is something else entirely.

Let’s talk about those children. Your son is in Boy (or Cub) Scouts and your daughter is in Girl Scouts (or Brownies). Hopefully you have a division of labor and your husband can be involved with your son and you can be with your daughter, or vice versa, whatever works. Hopefully you aren’t the Cub Master for you son’s pack as well as the den leader for your daughter. But maybe you are. If you are, we may have more in common than otherwise.

Both of your children are involved in sports. Your daughter plays soccer and runs track. Your son plays baseball, basketball, and football. Poor you. This is practice every day of the week, and I get that. It is also most likely more than one practice at least some days of the week, depending on what grades your children are in. I get that. And then there are games and meets and conflicting schedules and I hope your husband is able to help out or you can work out some carpool deals with fellow parents.

In spite of scouts and sports, at least your children attend public school. They get on the bus in the morning and you don’t have to worry about them (even though you do anyway) until they either get home on the bus or you have to pick them up from school to transport to scouts or practice or you pick them up after practice.

Your job. You work from home. Because you work from home, people assume that you have all this time on your hands. “Oh, you’re home, you can do this, right?” Please excuse the eye roll here. Your schedule is fairly flexible but because you have to be available for clients from different parts of the world, you have to be available at some really odd times. And while you can generally schedule your work load around the schedules of other family members, there are times when you are just absolutely inundated with work.

I get all that. I really do. But you really have no clue what my life looks like.

For one thing, I have three full time jobs.

I am a homeschool mom to two boys. They are not twins which means we cover two grade levels. I am grateful it is only two at the moment, because it has been up to five in the past, and I would absolutely love it if the two in public school would chose homeschool even though it would increase the work load. Each grade level is like a job. It means individual lesson plans. It means that even though we may cover the same topics for science or history, they are working at different levels. It’s a lot of fun and I love watching them learn and grow but it’s a lot of work and a huge responsibility.

I am a student. I have a full work load of my own studies which includes a heck of a lot of reading and studying and assignments. I usually do not get everything done in a day, or even a week, that I would like and often I wish I could add a few hours to the day in order to finish. Hasn’t happened yet.

Part of being a student is being an apprentice or student midwife. I get to go to prenatal appointments and am to the point where I will be going to the births as well. I did spend most of two nights at a labor a few weeks ago and had she not transported, I would have been present for the birth and another birth is looming ever present that I will be present for (unless she has her baby before I arrive which is always possible) but these are not currently the norm. The norm is about to become me being present for every birth. Currently that will be in a mostly observational position but that will change over time as I learn more.

Let me paint you a picture of what this looks like.

Yesterday, I went to a Massachusetts Midwives Alliance meeting. I am not a member right now but by the next meeting, I expect to be. This doesn’t mean much because I will be a student and as such will have no vote, but I will still be present and will be learning. This meeting was four hours long and was held in Jamaica Plain. This is what it really looked like:

Left the house at 7:45 to meet my ride in Gardner. She was running late so we didn’t leave Gardner until about 8:20. Traffic was terrible (I thought it would be better since it wasn’t what I would consider to be rush hour) and a trip that could take an hour and 19 minutes actually took almost two hours which got us there late.

The first half of the meeting was business. Honestly, I thought it was going to be much longer than two hours the way the conversation kept going back and forth. It sounds like I missed a really interesting meeting in June.

At noon, the business portion was over, it was time for lunch, and it was agreed that people would talk and eat.

The second half of the meeting was peer review. What that means is that a midwife or two gives the details about a particular client (details such as what happened and when, not name and address information); typically a birth that was difficult in some way. The case is discussed and comments and suggestions are made and discussed. The idea is to bounce ideas around and help everyone improve quality of care.

Everything was done by 2:00 and we left. Traffic was bad again but we arrived back in Gardner around 3:30 or so and I was home by 4:00ish.

That was that part of the day. Amena also had work and needed a ride there and home. Seth had scouts and needed a ride there and home. I can’t really be in Gardner at 8:15 to pick Amena up and then Pinecrest Lodge at 8:30 to pick Seth up so I asked a fellow parent if Seth could get a ride home; he could.

Today, I kept Amena home hoping I could get her in to see the doctor this morning because her asthma has been really bad due to the high humidity and the fact that she also caught a cold. No luck. They had an opening at 12:30 but Amena didn’t want to miss the whole day of school. So I made her an appointment for Monday at 3:30 (because that’s the next available opening) and took her to school. That worked out well because I could also drop Cedric’s shoes off for cross country today even though it added 45 minutes of driving. Which isn’t bad considering we may have been sitting at the doctor’s office for two hours had we gone.

Then I came home, formally started the school day for Seth and Joseph, took a shower, continued school stuff for the boys, and continued working on this.

At 11:15 I need to leave to go to a prenatal appointment in Gardner at 11:30. Then there is an appointment in Winchendon at 1:30. Rather than come home beween, I’ll take letterboxing stuff with me and see if I can catch a couple if I don’t have something else to do (which I already know I do have but might decide not to do it). After that appointment, I will come home. Seth and Joseph need to go to the library and then I will need to pick Cedric up. Then Amena needs a ride to work and I’ll have to go to Winchester to meet and carpool to the next appointment at 6:30. Amena has to get a ride home from someone else because I won’t be back in time to pick her up. Well, probably not. I might be.

By the time I get home, I’ll have to make sure stragglers are getting to bed and then it won’t be long to bedtime for me.

Somewhere in there I need to find time to read, study, and work on assignments for my own school work. And make sure my children have food for lunch and dinner. And everything else that needs to be done.

Other than my three full time jobs, I am the Committee Chair for Hubbardston Pack 12 Cub Scouts, seminary teacher for Amena, a married single mother (which is another conversation altogether), a soapmaker, mother of a cross-country running, mother of a Cub Scout, mother of a Boy Scout (I’m hoping Cedric will change his mind and decide to do scouts this year), etc., etc., etc.

You may think it is harsh that I say you have no idea what my life looks like if you have only two children. If I had only two children, they would be Alisha and Laura. Laura will be 25 next month. If I had only two children, I would have only three grandchildren, I would have no children still at home, I would not have as much on my plate as I currently do. I would certainly not be a Committee Chair, I would probably not be teaching seminary, I would certainly not have to worry about homeschooling two boys aged 10 and 12, I would not have to worry about taxi service for the 14- and 16-year-olds.

In short, you may have a small idea of what my life looks like, and now you may have a better idea, but you still don’t know what it’s like to live it.

In spite of that, life is basically good. I’m basically happy with where I am (other than physically) and I’m happy with where I’m going. I just don’t have any extra time to do anything so don’t be disappointed if I don’t drop everything else and do whatever it is you don’t have time to do. I’ll do what I can but other than that, please don’t hold your breath.

PS I did not write this in response to any one particular request. There are many things I would do if I had more time and there are many things I wish I had the time to do. I expect that in about ten years I may have more free time. Until then, we’ll just see.

In the meantime, have a fabulous day on this beautiful one!