Black Pots and Reflections

Good morning! It’s been a fairly quiet day around her thus far. Relatively speaking, of course.

Joanna had to be to work at 7:00 this morning which meant leaving at 6:45. Thankfully, Zak came over last night so he was able to drop her off at work on his way home.

Turkeys behind the house. There were at least 25 of them.

I woke up about 6:00 smelling something dreadful. I knew it couldn’t be the fire because it was out. I didn’t think a child would be making anything smell as awful as what I was smelling. Sooooo, I hauled myself out of bed to go check and it was nothing more than the pot with our turkey carcass on the stove that had boiled away all the water. Yuck.

I still haven’t checked the pot to see if it is ruined. I hope that it isn’t because it’s my Pampered Chef 8-quart pot and I love it. If it is, I guess I’ll be saving my pennies to get a new one and hope that they are still as good as when I got them.

Kitty was attempting to herd them.

Paul and I went to Salvation Army before lunch with Seth and Joseph because they both were in need of some pants. That’s always a fun adventure. I also needed a jacket and am always on the look-out for turtle necks. Well, we met with success on all counts and then some. Seth found three pair of pants and Joseph three as well. Joseph found two others but one was too large and the other, upon closer examination, had holes in the knees. I don’t buy a pair of pants for two or three dollars just so I can take it home and fix it. Seth found a sweatshirt and really nice pair of shoes (if they were my size, I would have got them for myself) and a shirt. I think he got an army hat as well. I guess it’s an army hat—it’s khaki and square. I found two turtle-necks (actually, they’re mocks) and a jacket. I think it’s Columbia and it’s black and grey and you can’t go wrong with Columbia in black and grey. I also found a wool coat that goes down almost to my ankles. It is really cool. Really cool. We also got some things for Christmas.

Kitty Claws.

After lunch, I was washing dishes listening to the boys and Amena play with Legos and thinking. I know, it’s a bad habit, that thinking. I was thinking about how we tend to be negative and tend to only think of or remember the things we didn’t do. You may recall from yesterday that I regret not playing chess with Daniel. While that is true, and while I have many regrets, there are a lot of things that I did do.

Playing with Legos.

When Daniel was building with Legos, I did take the time to find the pieces he was looking for. Often there would be a sibling or two or three or so playing with Legos also but sometimes it was just Daniel and we would have some quiet small talk—usually about Legos.

I did ask Daniel almost every day after school how school was. His answer was invariably, “Boring.” But that’s okay. I asked. He answered. It was our ritual; he knew I would ask, I knew what he would answer.

I did, and still do, love Daniel. That love is different now from the love I feel for his siblings because it is has been through the refiner’s fire of grief and pain and sorrow. But it is still there and always will be.

It is so easy to focus on all the things that I wish I had done or thing things I wish I hadn’t done and the things I should have done better and some things that I should not have done. So easy. But not important. The important thing is to focus on the good and what was and is right and to keep going.