Boys and Homework

Good morning! Yesterday was an interesting day due partly to something that happened the day before. You are familiar with the fact that I have eight children. And even if you have never met them all, you probably can understand that they are individuals and as such have their own strengths and weaknesses. There are also forces working on us over which we have no control. People have attitudes and beliefs and they tend to act based on them. Often our attitudes and beliefs are shaped by others but, in the end, we are responsible for our own and only we can change them.

An article I read recently (http://www.today.com/moms/boys-classroom-behavior-impacts-grades-study-finds-1B8308131) indicates that boys may be hurting academically due to their behavior. I can tell you first hand that there is a difference between boys and girls and it goes deeper than any superfluous outward appearance. It’s deep. It is individual but it can be generalized because most boys have certain characteristics and most girls have certain characteristics. I know that the line seems to be blurry right now and that is the way it is but it is not something I am concerned with right now. I will, however, agree that while boys are boys and girls are girls, some boys have what you might call ‘girly’ attributes and some girls are tomboys. (And I never did understand why it was okay for a girl to be a tomboy but not cool for a boy to have a doll.)

Returning to the article, it bothers me that my boys may be struggling in part because they are boys. They are all smart. Daniel proved this by being on the honor roll and achieving good grades unless he didn’t care about something (such as English). Cedric and Seth and Joseph are smart as well. They don’t fit into the neat little square holes that the public school system has designed though. I’m pretty sure that Daniel was a circle and that Cedric is an oval, Seth is a triangle, and Joseph is a rectangle. I have never hidden my feelings about public school, which now I think probably hasn’t helped my school-age children who happen to be in public school. To this day, I do not believe that forcing children to read at an early age does them any favors. Cedric was struggling. He still is with reading but he is so much better now. I really wonder how much he would be struggling had I not put him in public school. Laura is an avid reader and I didn’t push her to read until she was nearing eight. Joanna isn’t an avid reader but she does read and I didn’t push her to read until she was nearing eight. Daniel loved to read and I didn’t push him to read until he was nearing eight. Amena loves to read and I didn’t push her to read until I put her in public school when she was almost eight. I hope I haven’t maimed my younger boys by putting them into a system where they are forced to learn to do something that they might not be ready for. Cedric is coming around as is Seth. But if they’d’ve followed the pattern of older siblings (I feel I can compare because one of their older siblings is a boy and followed the same pattern), they would have made a leap rather than the slow steps they’ve made.

Returning to the article, it still bothers me that my boys may be struggling in part because they are boys. And boys they are. If you know them, there is no mistake. And what one of them does, the others are likely to. And what one of them doesn’t think of, one of the others will. They can get along fabulously and the next minute they can be trying to kill each other. They are boys. Which isn’t to make excuses for them. It is still my job to be sure they grow up to be responsible, respectable, and self-sufficient.

Last year, Seth really struggled. I volunteered in his class and I saw that his poor behavior (and that of a few of his classmates—all boys, by the way) was mostly ignored. Until it was decided that Seth would take things. One day when I went in to volunteer, the schedule was messed up and the class was doing art in another classroom or looking at books because it was the Scholastic Book Faire. Everyone except Seth. It had been decided that he had taken some money from another boy. When I arrived, I questioned Seth and I believe that he did not take the money. From what I gathered, he had seen it and had picked it up but then had put it down and had not kept it. I do not think he handled the situation as he should have (we discussed that he should have given it to his teacher or another adult) but neither do I think he took the money. I know without a doubt that he did not bring it home and he did not have it on him (or in his backpack) when I was there at the school.

Last year I was called into the school because Seth and Will had traded notebooks and Seth had drawn an ‘inappropriate’ picture. I was full of dread and trepidation as I drove to the school thinking that I was going to see pictures of naked people or something along those lines. When I got there, Seth and Will were in the principal’s office and I was shown the ‘inappropriate’ picture. It had tanks and little stick people and guns. Not only did it have guns, they were firing at the tanks and helicopters. I almost laughed. Seriously? Guns? In a picture? Inappropriate? He’s a BOY for goodness sake!

Last year was a hard year for Seth. This year has been better. However, he developed this habit last year of ‘forgetting’ his homework. He has begun doing that this year. I got a phone call from his teacher saying that his homework hadn’t been done Monday. Tuesday he was supposed to bring home a letter about homework club but I never got it. I got another phone call Tuesday. Seth had told his teacher that the reason he didn’t do his homework was because I had gotten home late the night before and he said that I wasn’t home that morning either but they called anyway and guess what? I was home. I hadn’t been anywhere the night before either. And guess what else? He couldn’t do his homework yesterday because he didn’t bring any home.

I am not going to have him go to homework club when the problem isn’t that he needs help with homework from someone at school. The problem is that he needs to bring it home so he can do it AT HOME. It isn’t called ‘afterschool work,’ it’s called ‘homework.’

Anyway, such is life. As long as Seth brings his homework home today, it will be done. And although I have a chiropractor appointment this afternoon and will not be home when they get home from school (only because they get out early due to the weather which isn’t supposed to get any worse than it currently is), I will be home by 3:00 or 3:30.

I think there is more to this story than just the fact that Seth is a boy but that chapter will have to wait for another day.

In the meantime, have a wonderful day!