Gratitude

Good Monday morning! I was thinking about not writing this morning since it was so late when I did yesterday but decided to go ahead.

Have you ever wondered about the paradoxes in life? There are many. I do not know how the entire next eleven months will go but I am finding that Daniel has been on my mind much lately. Yesterday in Relief Society, Jenny Whitcomb taught the lesson and focused on gratitude. She said that she’d heard it said before that we typically find far more things to be grateful for than we do to be ungrateful for and yet we often focus on the ungrateful things and ignore or take for granted the things for which we are grateful. I have been thinking about this and I find that it is true. Even things for which I am not grateful (weeds, for example) I am sometimes grateful for something regarding them. Since we have weeds and the must be gotten rid of, I am grateful for the quiet moments of reflection that sometimes come while pulling them. I am grateful for vinegar which kills them and does not cause undue stress to the environment. I am grateful that we do not have goatheads here. I am grateful that pulling weeds in the garden isn’t that hard because the soil is so nice and, for lack of a better word, fluffy.

How, might you ask, does this relate to Daniel? Well, I will tell you. While I am certainly not grateful that Daniel is dead, I am grateful for some of the things that have come to pass as consequences of the accident and his death. I am grateful that we were able to spend some time with Alisha and Imani. Granted, that is fraught with things to not be thankful for, the fact remains that Imani was able to get to know his aunts, uncles, and Grammer, and no matter what he is told or comes to believe about us, somewhere in his heart he will always know that we love him. I am very grateful that Joanna is now here with us. This is something that could not have happened any other way. I am not grateful for that fact, but I am that she is here and is reunited with her siblings and me and that Paul could/can see the changes in her.

This, to me is a great paradox. How can I be grateful for these things and yet not that Daniel is gone? The fact is, I do not know everything. I am grateful to have had him with me physically for more than 14 years. I am grateful that he was such a good kid, that he was intelligent and smart in so many ways. I am grateful that he was such a good big brother. And such a good little brother. I am grateful that he did well in school. I am grateful that he honored the Priesthood which he held. I am grateful that he was such a good example. I am grateful that we were finally able to have him buried here. I am grateful that because he is buried here, we can go visit any time we choose and that we can do whatever we choose to and around his grave.

I think that most of us could take any one aspect of our lives and come up with many things to be grateful for. I am grateful for all the obvious things like my parents and my children, but because of the accident, I am grateful for a slew of other things I wouldn’t normally even think of.

So, today hasn’t been a normal entry, but I hope it has been of some worth to you, my family, for whom I am very grateful. I hope you all have a good Labor Day and find much to be grateful for.

A FEW OF THE THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR

Joseph, Seth, Cedric, Amena, Joanna, and Laura.
Perfect stair steps.

Daniel, Joseph, Joanna, Laura, Cedric, Seth and Amena.
Not so perfect stair steps.

Playing in the snow.

 

Playing in the water.

That we could bury Daniel at home.

Garden harvest.

Goats and the interesting things they do.

My family, in one of its many forms with:
Paul, me, Joseph, Seth, Cedric, Amena, Joanna, and Laura.

Blue moons.

Imani and his Uncle Joseph who misses him a lot.

My family in yet another of its forms with:
Joanna, Amena, me, Paul, Mom, Laura, Grandma in back and in front Joseph, Seth and Cedric.

Paul.

Playing at the park.

That Grandma and my  mom could come visit.

A family of geese crossing Pitcherville Road.

My knight.