Not All Anniversaries are Good but Just Because One Isn't Good Doesn't Make it Bad

I love the sounds associated with milking. At first, it’s a ‘zing, zing’ as the first milk is squirted in the bucket. As the volume of milk increases, the sound changes. Milk sprays into the bucket with a sing-song swishing and each stream adds to the foam gathering on the top. It is fairly constant with both hands working in tandem: ‘swishswishswishswish. . .’ Nearing the end of each goat, it slows down as the milk supply runs out and rather than using my whole hand, I use thumb and forefinger to strip the last and it just sort of sounds like ‘plup plup.’

On any given morning, the lineup usually is Snowflake, Princess, Goldilocks. It works well that way because with Goldilocks last, the kids can come out and she only has to be put in the stanchion once. Today Princess was first. That’s fine, I thought, as long as Princess is next. Goldilocks was next. That’s fine, I thought, we’ll just have to put her in twice. And so it was. She stood fine for milking but not so much for George and Fred to have breakfast.

I wrote about this day last year: “We stopped again. I was tired. Everyone else was asleep.

“We left. I saw a sign that said ‘Sioux Falls 24 mi.’ At last, we were almost there. We’d made it through Wisconsin and most of Minnesota. Our goal was in sight.

“I woke up driving through what I thought was grass. I thought that if I turned just a little to the left, we might regain the road. The next thing I remember is looking at a blood spattered air bag and holding my hands up in front of my face, turning them to look at them.

“I can’t help but think that Daniel died because of my weakness, my stubbornness. In spite of the fact that I know there is a plan, and that I played a part in it, I can not help but think that it is because of my actions that my son, my son is not here with us. In spite of the fact that I know he would not leave us, even now, I feel so alone.

“In spite of what I know and believe, I don’t know how to stop feeling how I feel.

“I hope that Daniel was having good dreams. I pray that he died as quickly as I am told he did. I am grateful to have him for a son and that he is the person that he is.”

I have no idea how long it took for us to get to Avera and Sanford. I know that by 7:00 I was in an emergency room because I remember trying to think what time it would be in Massachusetts for them calling Paul. They’d already given me the low-down on everyone so I knew that Daniel was gone. That is the hardest thing I’ve ever heard.

Now we embark on a new chapter. We have survived a year without his physical presence. Now we will find out if the second year truly is harder. Question for those of you who have experienced loss and are willing to talk about it, do you think subsequent years are harder than the first? I have thoughts about this based on what I’ve heard from people at the Carriage House groups, but not much experience. I do know that the second year after my dad died was not harder, at least for me. What do you think, Becky?

Yesterday wasn’t too bad. I spent most of the day doing Laura’s dishes from the day before. All I did is wash enough to fill up the dish rack and let them dry then put them away and start over again. Laura said that she needs to do dishes on days she doesn’t work (which would be Saturday and Sunday). There is some logic here. I think it might be good for Laura to practice better time management skills (yes, Laura, I do, even though I’m not always very good at it myself) as well.

Other than that, I printed out lots of summer school papers for Seth and Joseph. The reason for that madness is to use up the ink in the printer. It was getting low the day before and I wanted to use it up before starting the printing project for Grandma which I worked on all afternoon yesterday. One more chapter for either Seth or Joseph and I should be ready to put in new ink and print stuff out for Grandma. That means it will most likely get in the mail tomorrow.

Once again, Cub Scouts was cancelled for Cedric and Seth. Their den leader (we currently have only one for all the boys) has a bad case of pink eye and just didn’t feel up to it. I can’t say I blame her for that. This did make two weeks in a row so I hope next week is a go. Anyway, that means that only Laura and Amena needed to go to church. Paul got Laura home just in time for Adam to take the girls and be barely late. Joanna was working so she couldn’t go.

On the agenda for today is—printing. Laundry. I have two loads of towels outside that didn’t get dry yesterday because it was a fairly cool day with some rain in the late afternoon. I have more rain requested for today but so far it looks like a good day to get things dry outside. Other than that, the rhododendron will need to be watered and there are cucumbers that need to be picked and I’m sure plenty of other things to do.

So, have a splendid day and don’t forget to count your blessings.