The Day After

There is nothing quite like getting out to milk the goats and realizing you have to use the bathroom. There is nothing quite like it being the second time already it’s happened to you in the same day (the first time was when I was walking the dogs).

The boys went to watch Batman with Nick yesterday. I’m pretty sure they all liked it, Nick just happens to be the one who voiced his opinion best. Amena and I went to the doctor to pick up yet another paper for me to take to the college and then to the college to take it (they’re practically across the street from each other). Then we stopped at Walmart so she could return a shirt and I could get a couple of things. At home we had a quiet couple of hours with no boys. When I went to pick up the boys, Nick came home with us so he could sand the walls for Joanna. He wanted to stop at Walmart to get some flowers for Daniel’s grave so we did. You can read about that at http://www.mywindingroadtomidwifery.blogspot.com/2012/07/daniels-grave-site.html. There is a post at the bottom by one of Daniel’s friends. It’s very sweet.

AJ, thank you for your email. I also believe that there was a reason Daniel had to go away when he did. If I did not believe that, I do not think I could forgive myself for the part I played. I have spent quite a bit of time thinking of things and I have come to the conclusion that I did not make the decision entirely on my own to get to Sioux Falls. The accident was going to happen; that is inevitable. He is in a better place; a beautiful place. A place where he can still see us and be with us if he chooses. On another note, I am glad your allergy attack is over. Mine have been awful, partly because I’ve not been as diligent as I ought about taking pills. I love you.

AD, Grandma and I have had conversations about which is more difficult. The conclusion, I believe, is that they are both hard, the difference is that the grieving hits all at once with a sudden death while it is drawn out with a slow or expected (that sounds so cold) death. I believe that they are all in Heavenly Father’s hands and he was not immune, was he? He had to turn away from his Son for a time. The difference for me with Papa and Daniel is that I never in a million years would have expected him to die the way he did. He’d talked about going into the military, and that can be dangerous, but to die in an accident, how could that be expected. I had been grieving for Papa for years, partly because it had been so long since I’d seen him. It was before Joseph was born and he was nearly four when we left. Thank you for sharing some of the contents of your head. I love you, too.

I think I am going to post a talk that I gave just a few weeks ago in church. In it, I discussed some thoughts and feeling that are very pertinent to this time. Here it is: http://mywindingroadtomidwifery.blogspot.com/2012/08/mountains-to-climb.html.

Grandma, I am still working on using up the old ink in my printer. I keep expecting it to give out and it just keeps going and going and going. Kind of like the energizer bunny. Hopefully today I will be able to get the stuff printed out and ready to mail.

On the agenda for today: life. I think I’ll start with breakfast when I’m done here. Plants at Daniel’s grave will need to be watered. School work for Seth and Joseph. A shower at some point in time, probably sooner rather than later because I am so sticky. I am going to finish a ball for Heather Myler’s baby. She is due this month and is having a boy (and because she’s so tall and thin, she looks about 6 months pregnant instead of almost 9). Just every day ho hum stuff.

Have a wonderful day.